Did We Fall Out Of Love? Or Slowly Stray Away?
A short narrative of what it's like to love a person with deep insecurities.
Loving a deeply insecure person is like, voluntarily strapping yourself to a ticking time bomb. I didn’t know this… Or maybe I did—but I chose to turn a blind eye.
We were happy together. I treasure the moments I had with you. Your smile would light up my world and make me think it’s a better place when you’re around.
I don’t know what to do right now. I’ve been doom-scrolling myself onto whatever app I can tap on. I can feel the relentless shorts slowly numbing my mind. But I cannot stop. I don’t want to stop. This is better than overthinking, at least. I feel like I’m getting pulled into this abyss of emptiness.
The roller-coaster of emotions where one moment we’re thrilled, excited, and happy. The next moment we’re afraid, and anxious—two extremes that I have both enjoyed and dreaded.
Nothing is stable.
And it has got me thinking… Are we falling out of love? Or Slowly Straying Away?
Falling Out Of Love
Do we fall out of love? Violently struggling mid-air without any control over what’s gonna happen? We scream ‘til our veins wrinkle our faces— we yell at each other. Our broken pieces scatter across the room. We fight for this love until we’ve got nothing left.
“No! You don’t understand!”, “No! You’re not listening!” All the energy is exhausted. The air filled with emotional turmoil… Until we finally give up.
To fall is intense. To fall is to see the ground you’ll splatter on. The very surface where you’ll drop dead.
Slowly Stray Away
Equally messy but more excruciating. We watch as the love that has once built us is now beginning to fall apart—the trust, the infatuation, the spark. We’re stuck between hoping and giving up.
We don’t fight. We don’t yell. But that’s just the thing… It does not matter anymore. We just watch as the relationship gets fissured by the subtle actions, words, and carelessness that leaves us traumatized in the end.
I want to be brave enough to fall—I wish I could tell you that I’ve fallen out of love. But I don’t know… I’m just too scared to end it all. It’s too painful. Just thinking about it, sends me rolling over my stomach like I was caught on fire.
Maybe I am still in love with you. Just not enough to care that the sacred space we once had is now falling apart. And so I sit here in front of it all.
Phone vibrates. Picking it up it read Babe calling on audio. “Hey! How was your day?”, I asked.
…
Loving an insecure person is like strapping yourself to a ticking time bomb. I know this won’t be a happy ending—we’ll leave each other traumatized.
But at least I’ll still be with you for a couple more moments. This sounds stupid but you’re the trauma I’ve chosen to embrace.